Category: Aging

Categories
Aging Living San Francisco/California Street Photography

The Zone

Sail Away - San Francisco - 2014

I have been alive for nearly a third of the time this country has existed. It arrived the way facts do at a certain age, sideways, while I was thinking about something else, and it sat me down. Two hundred and fifty years, and my own decades take up a third of it — whether I meant to claim that much room or not.

I used to think the road was where I went to escape the smallness of a life. Now the road doesn’t call the way it once did. Some of that is willingness. More of it, if I’m honest, is a body that’s less steady, a bladder with a mind of its own. The body files its objections. I used to override them. I no longer do — not because I’ve grown wise, but because the overriding costs more than it used to and buys less.

But I want to tell you about what I got instead, most Fridays, for not quite a decade, because it isn’t nothing.

Doug came across on the ferry from Larkspur, and I’d meet him at the Ferry Building — watching the boat come in, watching him pick his way down the gangway with his camera bag, before either of us had said a word or made a single decision about where to walk. Then we’d head out along the Embarcadero, sometimes up into the financial district, and for the first ten minutes my mind would do what minds do. It would analyze. It would compose. There, the light coming off that glass tower, wait for the man in the overcoat to cross into it, no — too late, gone. Appraising and timing, the way I’d once weighed a stock, or a runway, or a route.

And then, without my choosing it, something released. There’s no threshold you feel yourself cross. But sometime after the tenth minute, the appraising stopped, and seeing took over. Not looking for. Not looking at. The street would stop being a set of problems to solve and become only itself: a longshoreman on a break outside a pier, a gull working the same patch of pavement three times, fog sliding under the Bay Bridge like it had somewhere to be. Doug, a few yards off, would go quiet the same way, and we’d shoot for an hour or two and then find each other again at the end of the block.

By then we’d have worked up an appetite for something other than pictures. Tadich Grill, if we could get in — the linen and the old wood and the waiters who’d been there longer than some of our careers. We’d order something plain and good, and that’s when the talking would start. Not small talk. The real kind. Work, kids, the state of things, whatever had lodged itself in each of us that week. The seeing on the street and the talking over lunch were not two different activities. They were the same hour, extended. One was attention paid to the world. The other was attention paid to each other.

I have flown airplanes and driven through weather I shouldn’t have, and I loved both for the demand they made on me — the total, narrowing attention that leaves no room for the self that worries. What I didn’t understand then was that a boat crossing from Larkspur, and a Friday, and an old friend across a table at Tadich, could ask the same thing of me, for free, without a single mile of my own driving.

Covid stopped it. Not gradually — the way most rituals fade, through scheduling and distance and the slow drift of people’s lives — but all at once, the way everything stopped that spring. The ferry didn’t run. The restaurants closed. We never quite picked it back up, not the way it was. I don’t think either of us decided to let it go. It just didn’t survive being interrupted.

A third of the country’s whole life, and it took me most of my own to learn what those Fridays were teaching me — and then to lose them before I’d finished learning it. I still see the ferry pulling in. I still see Doug on the gangway with his camera bag, in no hurry, already half in the zone before his feet touch the dock.

Categories
Aging Atmosphere

The Atmosphere Business

There are some rooms you just want to be a part of. A restaurant critic wrote that recently in the Financial Times, and I’ve been turning it over ever since. Not because it’s surprising — anyone who loves restaurants already knows it’s true — but because it named something I’ve been experiencing without quite having the words for it.

I’ve been paying more attention to rooms lately. Not to what’s happening in them, but to the rooms themselves. The light temperature. The materials. The way a space settles around you when you walk in.

There’s a Greek restaurant in Palo Alto called Evvia that I’ve been going to for years. It has no modern feel whatsoever — no reclaimed industrial aesthetic, no Edison bulbs performing nostalgia, no carefully curated emptiness. Instead: a wall of jars and bottles filled with colored liquids, honey-blonde wood, light that feels like it was chosen by someone who understood that warmth is not a design choice but a form of hospitality. I couldn’t tell you what era it conjures. I just know that when I walk in, something in me slows down. And the food is superb. That matters too — not as the reason you came, but as the room’s final kept promise.

I don’t think I would have noticed any of that at 35.

At 35 you move through rooms. You’re pointed forward — toward the person across the table, the evening’s agenda, whatever brought you there. The room is backdrop. At 35 I was probably thinking about the wine list before I’d finished reading the menu, planning the next thing while the current thing was still happening.

Something shifts. I can’t name the moment it happened, because there wasn’t one. Just a gradual noticing — that I was paying attention differently. That the room had become as interesting as the reason I came.

The word that comes to mind is savor. Which has an interesting relationship with time. You’d think that with less of it ahead, you’d move faster, extract more, optimize. Instead the opposite happens. Each thing becomes more worth inhabiting fully. The scarcity makes you slower, not faster. More permeable.

The FT writer talks about wanting to be held by a room. That’s a passive construction — something done to you, not by you. I think that capacity to be held requires a surrender that younger people can’t quite manage. Too much forward momentum. Too much else to get to.

What comes with the savor, I’ve found, is peacefulness. Not contentment exactly — contentment can be a kind of settling, a lowering of expectations. This is different. Peacefulness has knowledge in it. You’ve seen enough to know what a good room is worth. You’ve been in enough bad ones — too loud, too bright, too eager to impress — to recognize when a room is simply, quietly doing its job.

Evvia does its job. The honey-blonde wood absorbs the evening. The jars catch the light. The atmosphere, as an old restaurateur once put it, is what they’re actually selling.

Later in life, I know how to buy it.

Categories
Aging AI Business Living

The Being Phase

There is a metric making the rounds in technology investing circles that is, on its face, about market share and revenue concentration. Alex Sacerdote of Whale Rock Capital calls it the New Rule of 40 for AI. The formula is simple: take the percentage of a company’s sales derived from AI, add its percentage market share in that AI category, and if the sum reaches 40, you have a winner. Celestica, a company most people have never heard of, scores extraordinarily well. It owns somewhere between half and sixty percent of the cloud Ethernet white-box switch market. NVIDIA doesn’t need a formula. It simply is what it is.

Sacerdote designed the metric to cut through a specific kind of noise — the companies claiming AI exposure they don’t actually have, the giants whose AI revenue hovers at one or two percent of their base while their press releases suggest otherwise. The framework is a detector. It finds the companies that have stopped becoming AI infrastructure and started simply being it.

I found myself less interested in the companies than in that distinction.

I spent years at Visa watching a network that had long since crossed that threshold. By the time I arrived, Visa wasn’t becoming the global payments infrastructure. It was the global payments infrastructure. The work was real — fraud detection, modeling, the daily labor of keeping something enormous running — but the existential question had been settled before I got there. The network existed. Merchants accepted it because cardholders carried it. Cardholders carried it because merchants accepted it. That loop had been closing for decades. We were custodians of a fait accompli.

There’s a particular feeling to working inside something that has already won. It’s not complacency exactly. The problems are genuine and the stakes are high. But the uncertainty has a different quality — it’s operational uncertainty, not existential uncertainty. You’re not asking whether the thing will survive. You’re asking how to run it well.

I didn’t have language for that distinction then. Sacerdote’s metric gives me some. The companies that score highest on his New Rule of 40 have resolved their existential question. They’re not fighting for position. They’re administering a position already held.

The question that has followed me out of that career, and out of several decades of watching technology cycles turn, is simpler and more personal than any investment framework.

When did I cross that line myself?

I have been writing at sjl.us since 2001. That’s not a boast — it’s a data point. Twenty-five years of thinking out loud, of ideas arriving rather than being argued, of the specific memory as structural anchor. The blog is not becoming anything. It is what it is: a record of a mind moving through time, accumulated into something that has its own weight and shape.

The book on payments systems exists. The career at Visa exists. The photographs exist. The train journeys exist. The years in Dayton exist, and the years on the Peninsula, and the particular way the light falls on the California coast at Pescadero in the late afternoon — when the fog is still offshore and the hills are improbably green and everything goes briefly, completely quiet, as if the world is deciding whether to continue.

These are not things I am building toward. They are things I am.

Sacerdote would say I have high market share in a specific category. The category is small — one person, one particular configuration of experience and attention and accumulated knowing — but the share is essentially total. There is no competitor for the position of having lived this particular life. The moat is absolute. The switching costs are infinite.

I used to find that thought melancholy. The narrowing as loss. The aperture closing on what remains.

I’m not sure I find it melancholy anymore.

The L-Curve, Sacerdote says, is a long flatline followed by a vertical explosion. The tinkering phase, then the moment of lift. He means it as a description of demand curves for technology infrastructure. But I recognize the shape from somewhere closer. The long middle of a life, building and becoming, and then the morning you wake up and realize the building is substantially done. What remains is the being.

That’s not an ending. It’s a different kind of beginning.

Sacerdote’s metric will eventually stop working. All frameworks do. The AI infrastructure cycle will mature, the L-Curves will flatten, and some new measure will emerge to find the next thing that is just beginning to become what it will be. That’s the nature of markets. The detector has to change as the signal changes.

But there’s a complication worth naming. Analysts at Citadel Securities published a note recently observing that even the most powerful technologies must pass through the prosaic discipline of cost curves, capacity constraints, and marginal returns. Token bills are arriving unexpectedly. Compute is scarce. The vision of AI as ubiquitous, frictionless, and immediate is colliding with physical reality. Their conclusion: asset prices will periodically be forced to reconcile ambition with physical constraint.

That’s not a refutation of Sacerdote. It’s a reminder that feeling like you’ve arrived and having actually arrived are different things. The being phase has to be load-tested. The position has to hold under pressure.

I think about the fiber optics Corning is laying into the massive data center clusters — ultra-thin, bendable, carrying more light than anything that came before. The cable doesn’t know it’s infrastructure. It just carries what it’s given, at the speed it’s capable of, across whatever distance is required. It doesn’t matter what the cable believes about itself. What matters is whether the light actually moves.

That seems right to me. You become what you are over a long time, largely without noticing. And then one day someone builds a metric that accidentally describes your life, and you recognize yourself in it, and you think: yes. That’s the shape of it. High concentration. High share. A moat that deepened while you were looking elsewhere.

But the moat still has to hold.

The being phase, it turns out, is not the end of something. It’s the proof that something was built. And the daily question — for companies, for infrastructure, for a person in his late seventies still writing, still paying attention — is whether what was built is actually load-bearing.

You don’t get to stop finding out.

Categories
Aging Living

Life Is Wide Open. And Then It’s a Pinhole.

The world is shrinking. Or so we’ve come to appreciate. Jet travel has made it possible to get almost anywhere on the planet in less than a day. And yet.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve become increasingly reluctant to do the kinds of things I wouldn’t have hesitated to do as a younger man. Travel. Driving in busy traffic. Walking the streets in a sketchy urban neighborhood. Nothing dramatic. Just the ordinary texture of a life lived outward, which turns out to require a kind of low-level willingness I don’t always find in myself anymore.

I’ve been trying to understand this.

When I turned 60 I did something I’d never done before. I looked up my life expectancy on a CDC table. The number that came back was 22. I sat with that for a moment. Twenty-two years. I had been alive for 60 and I had 22 more in the actuarial average, which meant I was already three-quarters of the way home. Nobody had told me this was coming. Not the number exactly, but the feeling the number produced — the sudden rearrangement of the geometry, the sense that the horizon had quietly moved while I wasn’t watching.

I’ve been watching it since.

The metaphor I keep returning to is a camera lens. When you’re young the aperture is wide open. You travel. You navigate. You walk into unfamiliar neighborhoods without thinking about it because the lens is just doing what lenses do — starving for light, taking it all in, indiscriminate in the way that only the young can afford to be indiscriminate.

Then it starts to stop down.

Not all at once. There is no morning when you wake up and find the aperture closed. It happens gradually, a slow tightening over years, and you don’t notice because you’re still inside the frame, still moving through the world. Until one day you notice you’re thinking about the trip before you book it. Weighing it. The weighing itself is new.

What I didn’t expect is that the closing doesn’t feel linear. It feels exponential. The rate accelerating in ways that keep outrunning my revised estimates. You recalibrate. Then you recalibrate again. The next recalibration comes sooner than the last.

A friend saw Paul Simon in concert last night. That sent me back to Kodachrome, one of his early hits, a young man’s song about color and vividness and the wide-open lens of youth. Everything looks worse in black and white, he sang at 31. Something about that lyric now, from this side of the aperture, makes it more true than it probably was when he wrote it.

He just thought he was writing about being young.

As a young family with two kids we toured southern England staying at farmhouse B&B’s. One of those vacation memories that linger. We visited the Cotswolds. A place where the stone is the color of late afternoon even at nine in the morning. The thing that catches you there isn’t the famous honey-colored villages but the little creeks running through them — water moving in ways you didn’t expect, off to the side of what you came to see.

I won’t go back. Not because I’ve decided not to. Simply because the aperture has moved and the Cotswolds is on the other side of it now. Still lit. Still there. The creeks still running through in their surprising way.

This is not tragedy.

It is just true.

A stopped-down lens has a property that took me a while to appreciate. The depth of field becomes enormous. Everything in the frame holds with equal sharpness — the near thing and the far thing, the room you’re sitting in and the long accumulated past the room contains. You lose the beautiful blur. You lose the selective mercy of a wide aperture that lets the background go soft and permits you to choose, by implication, what matters.

Now the background insists.

Nothing escapes attention. The specific quality of a morning. The thought that arrives before anything is being asked of you. The idea carried for years, worked through carefully, finally put into words.

Hermann Hesse understood something about this. The deepest lesson of Siddhartha isn’t something the protagonist learns from a teacher. It’s something he has to live until he knows it. Wisdom of this kind cannot pass from one person to another. It has to be earned on the inside, in real time.

Which is another way of saying it cannot be taught at all.

I can describe the aperture. I can hand you the metaphor. But you will only know what I mean when you are standing inside it yourself.

I couldn’t have written any of this at 60. Couldn’t have written it at 70. The aperture had to close this far before whatever this is came into focus — the particular clarity that arrives not despite the narrowing but because of it.

Nobody told me that was coming either.

That’s what I wanted to say.

Categories
Aging Living Paris Serendipity Street Photography

The Geometry of Choices: Life Beyond the Viewfinder

Every day, I walk past Henri Cartier-Bresson’s The Decisive Moment resting quietly on my bookshelf. Its spine is a familiar friend, a silent anchor in the room.

For Cartier-Bresson, the decisive moment was a photographic philosophy: the simultaneous recognition of the significance of an event, paired with the precise organization of forms that gives that event its proper expression. It is the fraction of a second where the head, the eye, and the heart perfectly align.

“To me, photography is the simultaneous recognition, in a fraction of a second, of the significance of an event as well as of a precise organization of forms which give that event its proper expression.” — Henri Cartier-Bresson

But as I caught sight of the book this morning, I realized how deeply this concept bleeds beyond the edges of a viewfinder. We tend to measure our lives in chapters and milestones—graduations, marriages, career shifts, relocations. We look at these grand events as the towering pillars of our personal history. Yet, if we look closer, the actual architecture of our lives is built on a series of fleeting, decisive moments.

Think about it. The true turning points rarely announce themselves with a booming voice or a dramatic swell of music. They are profoundly quiet.

It’s the split-second decision to take a different route home where you stumble upon a neighborhood you’ll eventually live in. It’s the pause before answering a question that completely changes the dynamic of a relationship. It’s the instant you decide to say “yes” to an unexpected invitation, opening a door to a career you hadn’t even imagined.

In these moments, just as in photography, there is a sudden geometry to our choices. The elements of our past experiences, our current desires, and our future trajectories suddenly arrange themselves into a perfect composition. We may not hear the click of a shutter, but the picture of our life is forever altered.

I run my finger over the dust jacket sometimes and think about the paths I didn’t take. The moments I hesitated just a second too long, and the composition dissolved into chaos. There is grace in those missed moments too, of course—they teach us how to hold our gaze steady for the next time.

The tragedy is that we often miss these fractions of a second entirely. We move too fast. We are too distracted by the noise of the future or the echoes of the past to recognize the composition forming right in front of us. We forget to keep our eyes open.

Cartier-Bresson roamed the streets of Paris with his Leica, intensely present, waiting for life to unfold. How often do we roam the streets of our own lives with that same level of presence?

To capture the decisive moments of our lives, we don’t need a camera. We need awareness. We need to cultivate a stillness that allows us to recognize when the head, the eye, and the heart are asking us to act.

It’s about trusting our intuition when the geometry feels right, even if we don’t fully understand the picture yet.

The next time you find yourself hesitating—caught in a quiet fraction of a second—pay attention. It might not be a milestone. It might just be an ordinary Tuesday. But it might also be the exact moment the elements of your life perfectly align.

Click.

Categories
Aging Living

The Architecture of Autumn

We have long been told that time is a thief, a silent prowler that robs us of our vitality and leaves us with the husks of our former selves. We track its progress in the mirror, in the softening of a jawline or the deepening of a crease.

But recent insights into the relationship between the mind and our biological “clocks” suggest a more haunting possibility: time isn’t just stealing from us; we are handing it over.

New research into epigenetic aging—the cellular measurement of how “old” our bodies truly are—reveals that those who harbor deep anxiety about aging actually age faster.

Specifically, the fear of declining health acts as a catalyst, accelerating the very decay we dread.

“Fears about declining health had the strongest link [to faster biological aging], while concerns about beauty or fertility didn’t appear to have the same biological impact.”

It seems the body is a faithful servant to the mind’s expectations.

If we view the later chapters of life as a slow-motion catastrophe, our cells begin to prepare for the wreckage. This creates a tragic feedback loop: we worry because we see signs of age, and our worry ensures those signs arrive with greater velocity.

In my own reflections, I’ve begun to think of aging not as a process of depletion, but as one of distillation. In our youth, we are a broad, shallow lake—vast, shimmering, and scattered. As we age, the borders close in, but the depth increases. The water becomes clearer, the essence more potent.

If we can shift our internal gaze away from what is being lost and toward what is being concentrated, perhaps we can quiet the ticking.

To age well is not to fight the clock, but to stop treating the passage of time as an indictment.

We are not just growing old; we are becoming more of who we were meant to be.

The architecture of autumn is not one of collapse, but of a different, more golden kind of light.

Categories
Aging Financial Planning Living Taxes

Borrowing from Tomorrow: The Paradox of the Modern 401(k)

A retirement account is, at its core, a financial time machine. It is a profound act of optimism and delayed gratification, a quiet promise made by our present selves to ensure the security of our future selves.

We lock away a portion of our labor today, trusting that time and compounding interest will nurture it into a safety net for tomorrow.

But what happens when tomorrow’s safety net becomes today’s desperate lifeline?

According to a recent piece by Anne Tergesen in the Wall Street Journal, reviewing Vanguard’s “How America Saves 2026” report, we are currently living through a profound financial paradox. On one hand, the machinery of wealth building is working better than ever. The average 401(k) balance rose 13% in 2025 to a record $167,970. Thanks to automatic enrollment—which now encompasses 61% of plans—more people are participating and escalating their contributions than at any point in history.

Yet, hidden beneath these soaring averages is a quiet, parallel crisis.

In 2025, a record 6% of workers in Vanguard-administered plans took a hardship withdrawal. This is roughly double the pre-pandemic average. We are witnessing the stark reality of a “K-shaped” economy in real-time: a broad swath of the population is riding the upward arm of the “K” into financial security, while a growing minority is sliding down the bottom arm, facing acute financial stress.

The most telling, and perhaps the most heartbreaking, statistic in the report is the median withdrawal amount: just $1,900.

These are not individuals cashing out their life savings to fund frivolous luxuries. A $1,900 hardship withdrawal—subject to income taxes and a brutal 10% early-withdrawal penalty for those under 59½—is an act of absolute necessity. It is the exact cost of avoiding an eviction notice. It is the price of keeping the lights on, of covering a sudden medical expense, or of preventing a cascade of debt from pulling a family under. It is the cost of survival.

Recent policy changes have fundamentally altered the psychology and accessibility of the 401(k). The removal of the requirement to take a loan first, combined with new exemptions for domestic abuse victims, disaster relief, and penalty-free emergency withdrawals, has transformed the traditional retirement lockbox into a de facto checking account for emergencies.

From a purely mathematical standpoint, raiding a retirement account is a tragedy of lost potential. It interrupts the magic of compound growth and cannibalizes the future to feed the present. But from a human standpoint, it is difficult to judge. How can we ask someone to prioritize their 65-year-old self when their 35-year-old self is facing foreclosure?

David Stinnett of Vanguard offers a vital, empathetic reframe of this data. Because of automatic enrollment, he notes, “People are saving more, remaining invested, and being automatically rebalanced in a professional way.” This systemic forced-savings mechanism has created a financial cushion for millions of people who previously had none. Yes, it is heartbreaking that they are forced to use it. But the silver lining is that the money is actually there to be used.

This trend forces us to ask deep, philosophical questions about the modern American economy. If our total savings look so strong on paper, yet so many must still routinely puncture their life rafts just to stay afloat, what does that say about the cost of living, housing, and healthcare?

A 401(k) was designed to be a bridge to a peaceful retirement. Today, for an increasing number of Americans, it is the only bridge across the turbulent waters of the present. As we celebrate record-high balances, we must not look away from the $1,900 lifelines being thrown out every day.

The future is only guaranteed for those who can afford to survive the present.

Categories
Aging Citizens Band Radio History Living

The Static We Left Behind

There was a time when the airwaves crackled with a distinct, unpolished kind of magic. It wasn’t the curated broadcast of a corporate radio station, but the raw, spontaneous voices of strangers sharing the same lonely stretch of highway or suburban night. When I previously wrote about the rise and decline of CB radio, I didn’t fully anticipate how deeply the piece would resonate. The influx of emails, comments, and shared memories pointed to a singular, striking truth: we don’t just miss the hardware of the 1970s; we miss the serendipity of the connection it offered.

In the decades since the fiberglass whip antenna faded from the American automotive silhouette, our society has become infinitely more “connected.” We carry glass slabs in our pockets capable of reaching anyone, anywhere, in an instant. Yet, paradoxically, we often find ourselves feeling more profoundly isolated. The modern digital landscape is largely an algorithmic echo chamber, meticulously designed to feed us reflections of what we already know and who we already are.

CB radio, by contrast, was a geographic lottery. You turned the dial, adjusted the squelch, and were instantly thrust into a transient community composed entirely of whoever happened to be within your physical radius. It was messy, chaotic, occasionally absurd, and deeply human. It was a localized town square operating on a 27 MHz frequency.

“We traded the spontaneous for the scheduled. We swapped the local for the global… We traded the crackle of static for the endless, frictionless scroll of the feed.”

Reflecting on the quiet that eventually fell over Channel 19, it becomes clear that the decline of CB radio was more than just a technological shift—it was a cultural one. We traded the spontaneous for the scheduled. We swapped the local for the global, and the intimately anonymous for the hyper-public. We traded the crackle of static for the endless, frictionless scroll of the feed.

But the fundamental human impulse that fueled the CB craze never actually disappeared. The desire to reach out into the dark void and hear a human voice echo back—the spirit of “Breaker 1-9, is anyone out there?”—remains hardwired into our psychology. We see fragmented echoes of it today in late-night Reddit threads, in niche Discord servers, and in the fleeting, unscripted interactions of multiplayer gaming. We are all still, in our own ways, searching for a shared frequency.

Perhaps the true legacy of the CB radio isn’t a cautionary tale of obsolescence, but a gentle reminder. It reminds us that in our highly polished, curated digital world, there is still immense, undeniable value in the unscripted encounter. We haven’t lost the need to connect; we are simply navigating a world with too much noise and too few open channels.

Categories
Aging Living

Time’s Tightening Lens

Margaret flipped the calendar to April, taking a moment to pencil in a dentist appointment for the 15th. As her eyes traced the upcoming weeks and months laid out in tidy little boxes, a pang of something indescribable tugged at her heart.

She had just celebrated her 75th birthday a few weeks prior. The well-wishes and family gatherings had been lovely, of course, but it also brought into sharp focus the reality of where she was in life’s journey.

“The days may be long, but the years are shortening,” she muttered under her breath, adapting an old adage. How true it rang.

When Margaret was young, summers seemed to stretch into eternities of adventures and discoveries. The school year trudged by in an endless succession of monotonous weekdays, only brightened by bright visions of the coming break. Back then, the iris of her life’s lens was wide open, framing each experience and possibility in brilliantly expansive clarity.

Then came the headlong rush of early adulthood – college, career, marriage, mortgages, raising children. Those years flashed by in a kaleidoscopic blur of milestones and transitions as the lens iris gradually began contracting.

As she hit her 50s, then 60s, Margaret noticed the iris tightening more rapidly, compressing the time between each passing holiday, season, and anniversary into an ever-dizzying cycle. Her fading eyesight from developing cataracts didn’t help matters, casting a hazy filter over the world.

But then, a few years ago, the miracles of modern medicine gave Margaret’s vision a new lease on life. The cataract surgery and implanted lenses allowed the vibrant colors and crispness of the world to flood back in like a rediscovered treasure. In that sense, her visual perspective expanded once more, even as the metaphorical iris of her life continued its contraction.

And now, at 75, it was as if someone was inexorably closing that iris tighter with each advancing year:

“For the majority of my journey, the road ahead stretched endlessly, with infinite possibility. Now, I can see the horizon in the rearview mirror growing larger by the day as my lens’s aperture shrinks.”

Margaret sighed and rested her chin in her hand, the April calendar still open before her. She knew her remaining years were dwindling – not infinite and permanent as they once felt, but finite and fleeting. Compounding the sense of time slipping away was Margaret’s deteriorating health and mobility in most respects.

Just last year, her knee replacement surgery and recovery had put a frustrating damper on her activity levels. The idea of extended travel grew less appealing by the day as simple acts like walking through an airport became more taxing and painful. Margaret felt her world gradually contracting in parallel with the narrowing iris of her life.

The tender moments spent with her grandchildren took on even greater poignancy these days. Holding them close, breathing in their young scent, Margaret fought back tears at the realization that her lens’s window was just about fully closed – she may only get a precious few more years of making memories with them before her body gave out completely. She wonders whether she will live to see them graduate from high school, or from college, or get married and have children of their own? She starts adding numbers together – but then stops, it’s just not helpful.

“When you’re young and healthy, the whole world is framed in a brilliant wide-angle vista,” she thought with a melancholy smile. “But as you age, your lens’s aperture shrinks tighter with every passing day, slowly dimming and limiting your horizons along with your vitality. Sometimes, though, modern medicine can re-expand part of that diminishing vista, if only for a short time.”

As Margaret reflected, she wondered why this profound truth about the compression of time couldn’t be more visibly grasped and heeded in one’s youth. Perhaps it was the utter lack of firsthand experience with anything but the perception of a boundless future stretching ahead. Or the youthful naivete and feeling of invincibility that blinds us to the inevitability of age and mortality.

Or maybe it was the sheer inability to emotionally connect with and envision the people we’ll become further down the road – our future elderly selves feel like separate beings, unmoored from our present gaze. Our culture’s obsession with perpetual youth and human hardwiring for present-bias didn’t help either, constantly diverting attention away from the road’s eventual dead-end.

By the time that bone-deep wisdom of time’s finicky passage finally sets in, it’s often too late to fundamentally reorient our paths and appreciate the expansiveness while it still lasts. If only there was a way to bottleneck that epiphany to the young, Margaret thought, to inspire them to maximize their ambitions before that iris inevitably narrows to a sliver.

Margaret closed the calendar, arose from the kitchen table, and headed out into the backyard garden she had cultivated for over 40 years. The vibrant blooms seemed to pop with richer color and clarity thanks to her recently restored eyesight. More than ever, she wanted to soak in and appreciate every beautifully ordinary day and finite vista she had left, before her lens finally closed entirely.

Aging is one of the many happenstances over which we humans have absolutely no control, but – as with all happenstances – we have absolute control over how we play (or don’t play) the cards dealt us by the fickle fingers of fate.

Joe Klock
Categories
Aging Walking

Old Man Walking

My friend recently commented that I was taking such short, shuffling steps that I looked like an old man when I walked. While said partly in jest, his words held some truth that stung a bit. My usual brisk stride had slowed to a plodding pace somewhere along the line without me realizing it. Age was creeping up on me gradually, evidenced not just in my slowed gait but my increasingly aching joints and graying hair.

My friend advised me to take longer strides, saying it would make me appear more youthful. After considering his suggestion, I realized he had a point. Length of stride is often an indicator of age and vitality. Elderly people tend to take shorter, slower steps as their energy wanes and bodies become stooped. Younger people naturally move with longer, loping gaits.

Consciously extending my stride did make me feel and look more energetic. It required some concentrated effort at first to break my shuffling habit. But soon my old, longer stride felt natural again. The further reach of each step worked muscles that had become inactive and gave me more power and momentum. I found myself walking faster without even meaning to, no longer plodding along but moving with purpose. My renewed gait made me look more alert and engaged with life.

In addition to taking longer strides, I realized I should also make an effort to smile more when I’m out walking. I tend to wear a worried or intense expression, furrowing my brow without realizing it. But a smile can do wonders to make me appear more upbeat and approachable. Smiling more will not only help me look friendlier to others, but also lift my own mood and outlook.

In the end, I was grateful to my friend for his advice. His playful jab about my aging walk spurred me to reclaim the vigorous stride of my youth. While growing older is inevitable, small adjustments like this can help recapture the vitality we sometimes fear is lost with the passing years. Conscious changes in habits and posture can work wonders to make us feel younger, keeping that youthful spring in our step.

Here’s a little poem on the subject:

The Longer Stride

My steps had become short, My pace slow and tired,
But your words sparked in me A passion re-fired.

With just a small tweak To my gait’s length and style,
I now walk with the vigor Of youth for a while.

Each long stride propels My body ahead,
Renewing my energy That once seemed shed.

My muscles awaken, Joyful and spry,
As I take to the roads With new stride in my eye.

No more am I shackled By short shuffling feet.
I’m striding with purpose, My vitality replete.

So thank you, my friend, For advising me so.
With each lengthened stride, My youthful vigor grows.

Note: this post was inspired by a story told during an interview with McKay Coppins about his new book about Mitt Romney. Also, Claude helped me write this post.