Categories
Writing

Still Learning

I never thought about rhythm in my writing. Not once.

A lifetime of writing. More essays than I can count. One book. And the sonic quality of my sentences โ€” the way they moved, or failed to move, through a readerโ€™s mind โ€” simply wasnโ€™t something I considered. I was too busy trying to say something true. I thought that was enough.

What changed was reading differently. Not for pleasure anymore, or not only for pleasure. David Perell conducts long interviews with writers about how they actually work โ€” not what they believe about writing, but what they do, physically, at the desk, in the dark, before anyone sees it. He asks the same structural questions of very different writers and the patterns emerge slowly, the way patterns always emerge: first you see it once and think nothing of it, then you see it again, then you canโ€™t stop seeing it. Rhythm came up constantly. Always in different language. Pacing. Breath. Music. Momentum. Always pointing at the same thing.

Then I found this from Susan Orlean:

My new preoccupation was on the sonic quality of my writing โ€” the rhythm and tone of the sentences. I began reading all my work out loud, listening for places that lagged and dragged, that didnโ€™t sparkle. I knew it was unlikely that anyone else was reading my stories out loud, but I was convinced that you do โ€œhearโ€ writing in your head as you read, and this pushes you (or stalls you) through the piece. I wanted the music โ€” that is, this subconscious tonal effect โ€” to match the subject.

I stopped. Read it again.

Because she was describing something real โ€” something I had been doing wrong for twenty-five years without knowing it was wrong. You donโ€™t know what you canโ€™t hear. Thatโ€™s the whole problem. The silence where the knowledge should be is itself silent.

I donโ€™t read my work out loud. Thereโ€™s something strange about it, something that breaks the spell โ€” you stop being a writer and become an actor, hearing your own sentences hanging in the air, too exposed. But I do read and read again, more carefully now, looking for the wobble. Orleanโ€™s point holds regardless of method: you hear writing in your head as you read it, and that hearing either carries you forward or it doesnโ€™t. The ear that matters is the one inside.

George Saunders has a practice he describes in A Swim in a Pond in the Rain: he reads from the beginning of a piece over and over, and the moment something feels off โ€” a word, a rhythm, a single syllable landing wrong โ€” he stops and fixes it before moving forward. Never skips the trouble spot. Never tells himself heโ€™ll come back. His opening pages accumulate dozens of passes before he ever reaches the end. What heโ€™s really doing, underneath the technique, is training himself to feel the exact microsecond when a readerโ€™s attention would start to drift. To catch the loss before it happens.

Thatโ€™s not craft instruction. Thatโ€™s building a new sensitivity where there wasnโ€™t one before.

John McPhee works from the other direction entirely. His famous boxes โ€” index cards, sorted into piles, piles arranged into sequences, nothing drafted until the structure is known โ€” are about architecture before a single word is written. Heโ€™s deciding which rooms exist, and in what order, before he furnishes any of them. Where Saunders builds outward from one true sentence, McPhee builds downward from a blueprint.

But theyโ€™re asking the same question. McPhee: is this section in the right place? Saunders: is this word in the right place? Both listening for the moment the piece loses its hold on the reader. Both doing triage on something most writers never even examine.

What Iโ€™m still learning โ€” slowly, and late โ€” is that rhythm isnโ€™t decoration. It isnโ€™t the thing you tend to after the real work is done. Itโ€™s structural. A sentence moving at the wrong speed for what itโ€™s carrying fails the thought itself, not just the ear.

Thereโ€™s something else Iโ€™ve been thinking about. If rhythm is the thing thatโ€™s hardest to hear in your own work โ€” if the ear takes years to develop โ€” then maybe the most useful writing tool isnโ€™t a grammar checker. Those are solved. What isnโ€™t solved is the rhythm problem. An editor who listens for the wobble, explains whatโ€™s failing and why, and works through the fix with you rather than just patching it. Not a red pen. A teacher.

Iโ€™ve been experimenting with exactly that. An AI editor I call Clark. His job isnโ€™t correctness. Itโ€™s the sonic quality of prose โ€” the rhythm โ€” the same thing Orlean was describing, the same sensitivity Saunders spent years training. Clark finds whatโ€™s working as hard as what isnโ€™t. And when something fails, he explains what the readerโ€™s inner ear is hitting and why. Helpful.

I didnโ€™t know much about rhythm in writing when I was fifty. Didnโ€™t know it at sixty.

Iโ€™m not entirely sure I know it now. But I know it more than I did, which might be the only kind of knowing thatโ€™s real.

A lifetime of writing. Still learning how to listen.

Categories
Aging Living

Life Is Wide Open. And Then Itโ€™s a Pinhole.

The world is shrinking. Or so weโ€™ve come to appreciate. Jet travel has made it possible to get almost anywhere on the planet in less than a day. And yet.

As Iโ€™ve gotten older Iโ€™ve become increasingly reluctant to do the kinds of things I wouldnโ€™t have hesitated to do as a younger man. Travel. Driving in busy traffic. Walking the streets in a sketchy urban neighborhood. Nothing dramatic. Just the ordinary texture of a life lived outward, which turns out to require a kind of low-level willingness I donโ€™t always find in myself anymore.

Iโ€™ve been trying to understand this.


When I turned 60 I did something Iโ€™d never done before. I looked up my life expectancy on a CDC table. The number that came back was 22. I sat with that for a moment. Twenty-two years. I had been alive for 60 and I had 22 more in the actuarial average, which meant I was already three-quarters of the way home. Nobody had told me this was coming. Not the number exactly, but the feeling the number produced โ€” the sudden rearrangement of the geometry, the sense that the horizon had quietly moved while I wasnโ€™t watching.

Iโ€™ve been watching it since.


The metaphor I keep returning to is a camera lens. When youโ€™re young the aperture is wide open. You travel. You navigate. You walk into unfamiliar neighborhoods without thinking about it because the lens is just doing what lenses do โ€” starving for light, taking it all in, indiscriminate in the way that only the young can afford to be indiscriminate.

Then it starts to stop down.

Not all at once. There is no morning when you wake up and find the aperture closed. It happens gradually, a slow tightening over years, and you donโ€™t notice because youโ€™re still inside the frame, still moving through the world. Until one day you notice youโ€™re thinking about the trip before you book it. Weighing it. The weighing itself is new.

What I didnโ€™t expect is that the closing doesnโ€™t feel linear. It feels exponential. The rate accelerating in ways that keep outrunning my revised estimates. You recalibrate. Then you recalibrate again. The next recalibration comes sooner than the last.


A friend saw Paul Simon in concert last night. That sent me back to Kodachrome, one of his early hits, a young manโ€™s song about color and vividness and the wide-open lens of youth. Everything looks worse in black and white, he sang at 31. Something about that lyric now, from this side of the aperture, makes it more true than it probably was when he wrote it.

He just thought he was writing about being young.


As a young family with two kids we toured southern England staying at farmhouse B&Bโ€™s. One of those vacation memories that linger. We visited the Cotswolds. A place where the stone is the color of late afternoon even at nine in the morning. The thing that catches you there isnโ€™t the famous honey-colored villages but the little creeks running through them โ€” water moving in ways you didnโ€™t expect, off to the side of what you came to see.

I wonโ€™t go back. Not because Iโ€™ve decided not to. Simply because the aperture has moved and the Cotswolds is on the other side of it now. Still lit. Still there. The creeks still running through in their surprising way.

This is not tragedy.

It is just true.


A stopped-down lens has a property that took me a while to appreciate. The depth of field becomes enormous. Everything in the frame holds with equal sharpness โ€” the near thing and the far thing, the room youโ€™re sitting in and the long accumulated past the room contains. You lose the beautiful blur. You lose the selective mercy of a wide aperture that lets the background go soft and permits you to choose, by implication, what matters.

Now the background insists.

Nothing escapes attention. The specific quality of a morning. The thought that arrives before anything is being asked of you. The idea carried for years, worked through carefully, finally put into words.


Hermann Hesse understood something about this. The deepest lesson of Siddhartha isnโ€™t something the protagonist learns from a teacher. Itโ€™s something he has to live until he knows it. Wisdom of this kind cannot pass from one person to another. It has to be earned on the inside, in real time.

Which is another way of saying it cannot be taught at all.

I can describe the aperture. I can hand you the metaphor. But you will only know what I mean when you are standing inside it yourself.

I couldnโ€™t have written any of this at 60. Couldnโ€™t have written it at 70. The aperture had to close this far before whatever this is came into focus โ€” the particular clarity that arrives not despite the narrowing but because of it.

Nobody told me that was coming either.

Thatโ€™s what I wanted to say.

Categories
Music

Every Blog Needs a Theme Song!

Google has added a new music generation model called Lyria 3 to its Gemini 3 models.

I was playing around with it last night – having it generate happy birthday greetings for a friend whose birthday is coming up in a few days, another song for a longtime business partnership I was part of, and more. It’s kind of crazy! And a lot of fun.

When you use Lyria 3 as a tool in Gemini 3 you get back an image and an MP3 file that’s 30 seconds long (longer coming soon according to Google). Turns out the 30 second length is just about perfect for the “quick hit” from a snippet of music.

Google provides several genres you can choose from to start with – or you can just go with whatever you want to say in the prompt – here’s a rough template for doing that:

[Topic] + [Genre] + [Mood] + [Instruments] + [Vocals]

This morning I went for my morning walk and had a thought – how about generating a theme song for my blog. So when I got back home I opened up Gemini, selected the Music tool and entered:

Take a look at my blog and compose my theme song! blog: https://sjl.us

You can see with that prompt that I really didn’t provide it much direction – just a pointer to my blog so that it could try to generate something appropriate.

It took a few seconds for Lyria to read my blog and then use what it found to generate my blog’s theme song – and I like it!

You can play the theme song for yourself here:

Categories
Living Music

The Strangest of Places

There is a particular kind of silence that fills the room when you read the obituary of a contemporary. It isn’t just the news of a celebrity passing; it is a check engine light on your own dashboard. Bob Weir is gone. He was 78. I am 78.

I have good memories of seeing him playing with Jerry Garcia, Phil Lesh, et al at the Fillmore in San Francisco. Such a different time the 60โ€™s were and the Deadโ€™s music was a big part of that.

When you share a birth year with someone, you share a timeline. You walked through the same decades, witnessed the same wars, the same shifts in culture, albeit from different vantage points. For Weir, it was from the stage of the Fillmore or Winterland Ballrooms and stadiums across the world. For me, it was a different path. But arriving at this specific mile markerโ€”seventy-eight years of ageโ€”feels like we both pulled into the same station at the same time, only for him to disembark while I stay on the train a little longer.

I was reminded of a line from “Scarlet Begonias,” quoted recently by Alyssa Mastromonaco:

“Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.”

In our youth, those “strangest places” were literalโ€”backstage hallways, late-night diners, or the chaotic joy of a festival crowd. We looked for the light in the noise. But at 78, the definition of strange changes. The strangest place to find the light now is often in the mirror, observing a face that has weathered nearly eight decades. Or it is found in the quiet of an early morning, realizing that the absence of pain is its own kind of euphoria.

Weir spent a lifetime improvising, trusting that the music would find its way back to the tonic note. There is a lesson in that for those of us left here. The “light” isn’t always a flash of brilliance or a grand finale. Sometimes, if you look at it right, the light is simply the grace of being here, right now, able to listen to the song one more time.

The music never really stops, does it? It just changes players.

Categories
iOS iPhone Music

Ambient Music on iOS

Iโ€™m really enjoying the ambient music controls that were added to Control Center in iOS 18.5. I wear hearing aids all day and itโ€™s been just delightful to be able quickly get some chill music playing in my ears when Iโ€™m working, walking, cooking, etc. A very nice little quality of life feature.