Tag: Impermanence

Categories
Half Moon Bay History

There Used to Be a Pier

There used to be a pier with a shack on top jutting out into Princeton Harbor in Half Moon Bay.

The fog still comes in low most mornings, softening the breakwater until the boats in the slips are only darker shapes. You hear the harbor before you see it—the wet cough of diesel, the slap of water against fiberglass and steel, the occasional metallic ring of a line pulled tight.

When the marine layer lifts, the place shows its modern face: rip-rap stone, poured concrete, the long gray L of Johnson Pier running into water that no longer knows how to rise up and test a wooden structure. The air carries salt and exhaust. Gulls work the edges. Trucks idle in the lot. It is orderly now, built to stay.

But the order has removed a sound. The old pilings no longer work against one another with that slow, heavy creak. The deck no longer gives a little underfoot after it was soaked with a firehose once a week. There is no longer the low groan of a chain hoist swinging a load of salmon or crab up from a boat in the dark, or the close, briny steam inside the shack where Vera kept coffee going and put food on whatever table or crate was free. The lights that once burned at the outer end—small and steady against the black water—are gone. Before the breakwater was finished, winter storms still reached that far end. Men braced the doors and listened to the ocean hammer while the whole structure trembled on its pilings like something that might, on any given night, decide to let go.

Joe Romeo drove those pilings in 1942. The shack he raised was built to be lived in as much as worked in. It smelled of diesel from the fuel tanks on the deck, of wet creosote warming in the sun, of fish blood drying on the planks, and of whatever Vera had on the stove. Fishermen came in with scales still stuck to their forearms. The wood stayed dark and heavy because it was never allowed to dry out completely. After the breakwater went in, the water inside grew calmer and the work changed with it, but the pier still took its beating every season. It held because the men who used it treated it like something that had to be argued with rather than replaced.

By the time the county harbor district took it over, the pilings had begun to rot and shed pieces into the channel. What had once been a place where men ate and slept and unloaded fish became, in the new language of the harbor, a navigational hazard. The district saw liability where others still saw memory.

In 2018 the cranes came and the pilings were cut and hauled away. The shack that had held the life of a fleet inside its four walls was dismantled and carted off like any other piece of condemned wood.

What remains is the absence of that sound and that light, and the particular way a working harbor can be made safe enough to forget what it once required of the men who kept it alive.

Categories
Bonsai Filoli Living

The Patience of Small Things

There is a tree on a terrace at Filoli that is roughly the size of a lamp. It sits in a shallow black bowl, its trunk leaning with the easy confidence of something that has been leaning for decades, its canopy splayed against the California sky like a fist slowly opening. Behind it, the estate’s formal garden dissolves into soft focus — roses, balustrades, the suggestion of abundance. The bonsai doesn’t compete with any of it. It simply occupies its few cubic feet with a completeness that makes everything else feel approximate.

I’ve been thinking about what that completeness costs.

The tree is probably a juniper — the fibrous, spiraling bark, the dense scale-like foliage, the way the branch structure seems to remember every decision ever made about it. Bonsai practitioners talk about nebari, the visible surface roots, and movement, the quality of dynamism frozen into wood. This one has both. The trunk doesn’t just lean; it goes somewhere, pulled by some invisible argument the grower made with it over years, or decades, or longer. The moss at its base is so even and green it looks curated, because it was.

What strikes me standing in front of it is that this is a technology — not in the semiconductor sense, but in the older one. A technique for shaping time. The grower didn’t make this tree. They made conditions, and maintained them, and made them again, and the tree is what happened. The distinction matters. There’s no shortcut to the trunk diameter. There’s no prompt that produces the movement in that wood.

I work in a medium where the gap between intention and output has collapsed to nearly nothing. I describe something and it appears. There’s tremendous utility in that, and I’m not romantic enough to pretend otherwise. But Filoli’s bonsai terrace is a useful corrective — a reminder that some forms of beauty are only legible as records of duration. The lean of that trunk is not a feature. It’s an argument made slowly, over a life, against gravity.

I don’t know who grew it. I don’t know if they’re still alive. The tree, characteristically, offers no information about this. It just stands there in its bowl, complete, patient, not particularly interested in being understood.

Categories
Haiku Living Reading

The Presence We Keep Deferring

I have so many unread articles saved to Instapaper that I’ve stopped checking the count. Each one felt, in the moment of saving it, like something I needed. A long piece on urban planning, a profile of someone interesting, a reported essay I fully intended to sit with.

The app is beautifully designed for exactly this — the frictionless capture, the clean reading interface waiting patiently on the other side.

What it can’t do is manufacture the attention I didn’t have when I saved it and still don’t have now. The articles aren’t the problem. The premise is: that presence is something you can bank.

There’s a haiku I keep returning to, from Natalie Goldberg’s Three Simple Lines. It’s by a poet named Fumiko Harada:

Morning chill
I savor this moment —
one meeting one lifetime

Eleven words. No verb in the third line, which makes it feel less like a thought and more like a verdict.

The Japanese concept underneath it is ichi-go ichi-e — loosely, “one time, one meeting.” It’s a Zen idea with origins in the tea ceremony, the understanding that each gathering is singular and therefore irreversible. You cannot archive it. You cannot search for it later. When it ends, it doesn’t go anywhere you can retrieve.

This is what the Instapaper queue is, at scale: an archive of moments I decided to experience later. The article about urban planning was written by someone who spent months reporting it, on a day when some editor thought it was ready, and landed in my feed on a morning when something about the headline caught me. That constellation doesn’t reassemble. Later is a different article.

The tools I use every day are getting astonishing. There are systems that can summarize, translate, recall, explain, anticipate. I use them. I find them genuinely useful.

But there’s a habit of mind they reward — a kind of perpetual deferral of full attention — that I haven’t fully reckoned with. The promise, always, is that you can engage more completely later, once the summary is ready, once the transcript exists, once the notes have been taken. Presence becomes a productivity tax you pay while waiting for a deliverable.

Harada’s haiku doesn’t moralize. The speaker isn’t lecturing herself into awareness. She’s just cold, and awake, and choosing to notice. I savor this moment. The word “savor” does a lot of work. It implies effort. You savor things that could be missed.

The pivot in the third line is what stays with me. One meeting one lifetime. Not “this meeting will last a lifetime” — that would be sentiment. It’s more like a mathematical statement: the cardinality of this encounter is one. There is exactly one of them. This morning, this particular chill, whatever conversation or solitude is happening inside it — that set has one element. By tomorrow it has zero. No amount of documentation changes that arithmetic.

I’m working on believing that.

Categories
Japan Living

The Sweetness of the End

The tragedy isn’t that the bloom falls; the tragedy would be if it stayed forever, plastic and unchanging, immune to the wind. We spend so much of our lives trying to build fortresses against decay, seeking “permanent solutions” and “everlasting” bonds, yet we find our deepest emotional resonance in the things that are actively slipping through our fingers.

In Autumn Light, Pico Iyer captures a truth that Japan has long held as a cultural pulse:

“We cherish things, Japan has always known, precisely because they cannot last; it’s their frailty that adds sweetness to their beauty.”

This is the essence of mono no aware—the bittersweet pathos of things. It is the realization that the glow of the sunset is sharpened by the encroaching dark. If the sun hung at the horizon indefinitely, we would eventually stop looking. It is the ticking clock that forces our attention into the present.

When we look at a ceramic bowl mended with gold—kintsugi—we aren’t just seeing a repair. We are seeing a celebration of the break. The frailty of the clay is part of its history, and the gold doesn’t hide the fracture; it illuminates it. It suggests that the object is more beautiful now because it was vulnerable enough to break and survived to tell the tale.

In our own lives, we often mistake fragility for weakness. We hide our grief, our aging, and our transitions, fearing that they diminish our value. But beauty isn’t found in the absence of a shelf life. The most profound moments of connection—the way a child’s hand feels before they grow too big to hold yours, the specific light of a Tuesday afternoon in October, the final conversation with a mentor—derive their power from their expiration date.

To love something that cannot last is the ultimate act of human courage. It requires us to lean into the “sweetness” Iyer describes, knowing full well that the ending is baked into the beginning. We don’t love the cherry blossoms despite the fact that they will be gone in a week; we love them because of it.