Categories
Pescadero

The Other Side of the Street

This is the coast south of Half Moon Bay, which is to say this is the part of California that people who live here do not talk about at dinner parties. The road runs through artichoke fields. The fog comes in the morning and does not always leave. Twenty minutes south of anything youโ€™d call a town, there is a place called Pescadero, and if you have never stopped there you should stop.

Everyone goes to Duarteโ€™s. This is correct. The soup is what they say it is.

But there is a gas station across the street, and this is where I want to take you.

The building is burnt orange. There are strings of lights along the front that were probably Christmas lights once. Inside, past the motor oil, there is a counter, and behind the counter someone is making carnitas that certain people โ€” the kind who pay attention to such things โ€” will tell you are the best in the Bay Area. The place is called Mercado & Taqueria De Amigos. It is cash only. There is a white sauce at the salsa bar that I have not been able to identify or replicate or stop thinking about.

There is a man who comes in at lunch โ€” work boots, a particular kind of flannel โ€” who does not look at the menu. The woman at the counter is already writing when he speaks. He sits outside. Eight minutes, start to finish.

California is full of places that exist entirely for the people who live in them. We drive past most of them. We are always on the way to the lighthouse, the next town, the thing someone told us not to miss. The gas station in Pescadero is not on the way to anything.

I keep going back.


Hereโ€™s a revised and extended version:

The Other Side of the Street

This is the coast south of Half Moon Bay, which is to say this is the part of California that people who live here do not talk about at dinner parties. The road runs through artichoke fields. The fog comes in the morning and does not always leave. It hangs in the cypress trees and in the low places between the hills, and some days it is still there at three in the afternoon, the light going gray and cold, the ocean invisible a quarter mile west.

Twenty minutes south of anything youโ€™d call a town, there is a place called Pescadero. Population 643. A post office. A feed store. A bar that has been a bar since before your grandfather was born.

Everyone goes to Duarteโ€™s. This is correct. You should go to Duarteโ€™s.

But there is a gas station across the street, and this is where I want to take you first.

The building is burnt orange. There are strings of lights along the front โ€” Christmas lights, probably, once, now just lights, strung there so long theyโ€™ve become part of the architecture, the same way certain things in certain places stop being decorations and start being load-bearing. Inside, past the motor oil and the WD-40, there is a counter. Behind it, someone is making carnitas. The place is called Mercado & Taqueria De Amigos. Cash only. At the salsa bar there is a white sauce that I have spent three years failing to identify and cannot stop thinking about.

There is a man who comes in at lunch. Work boots with the kind of dried mud that doesnโ€™t come off, a flannel shirt the color of something faded, a straw hat with a cord that keeps it on in the coastal wind. He does not look at the menu because there is no version of this transaction in which he needs the menu. The woman behind the counter is already writing before he finishes speaking. He carries his food out back, where there are picnic tables under whatever sky the fog has left behind. His truck is parked along the side โ€” an old Ford, the kind that has stopped being a vehicle and become a tool. Eight minutes inside. He stays longer out back.

If you walk up around the corner โ€” it is a short walk, less than you think โ€” there is an auto shop. The walls have been painted so many times in so many colors that the paint itself has become the material, layers of blue and cream and rust bleeding into each other like a tide chart, the wood beneath showing through in long vertical streaks. The doors are not garage doors. They are paneled, ornate, the kind of doors that belonged to something else in another century, pressed into service here and painted over until they forgot what they were. Above them, a small Ford dealer badge, neat and official, as if someone wanted to make sure you knew this was still a place of business.

Keep going. Cross the street. Further on, there is Saint Anthonyโ€™s โ€” a white Catholic church with a steeple that rises into whatever the sky is doing that day, a rose window above dark red doors, a hand-carved wooden sign out front that someone made carefully, with time. It has been here long enough that the people buried in the surrounding hills were baptized here, married here, carried out those red doors for the last time. The man with the cord on his hat has probably sat in those pews. His parents almost certainly did.

If you keep walking โ€” past the church, out along Pescadero Road where the land opens back up โ€” you will find Harley Farms. They make goat cheese there, small rounds of it, sometimes rolled in herbs or edible flowers, the kind of thing that sounds precious until you taste it and understand that it came out of this specific soil and this specific fog and couldnโ€™t have come from anywhere else.

California is full of places that exist entirely for the people who live in them. We drive past most of them. We are always on the way to the lighthouse, the next town, the thing someone told us not to miss.

The gas station in Pescadero is not on the way to anything. Neither is the church. Neither is the auto shop, or the farm at the end of the road with the goat cheese that tastes like the fog smells.

I keep going back. Iโ€™m still not sure I have earned it.

Categories
Books Living Quotations

The Smallness of Being Nowhere

Thereโ€™s a sentence I keep returning to from Blue Highways, William Least Heat-Moonโ€™s account of driving the back roads of America after his marriage ended and his teaching job disappeared in the same week:

โ€œIn a hotel room at the geographical center of North America, a neon sign blinking red through the cold curtains, I lay quietly like a small idea in a vacant mind.โ€

Iโ€™ve read it probably a dozen times now and it still does something to me. The question I canโ€™t shake: why does it work so completely?


The setup is all precision and specificity. โ€œThe geographical center of North Americaโ€ โ€” Heat-Moon is actually in Rugby, North Dakota, a place so particular it exists mostly as a fact. You cannot be more specifically somewhere on a continent and also be more nowhere. Thatโ€™s the first compression: location as the opposite of orientation.

Then the neon sign. Red through cold curtains. He doesnโ€™t describe the room โ€” the bed, the low ceiling, the highway sound. He gives you the one sensory detail that pulses, that intrudes. Red blinking through fabric. Thatโ€™s loneliness rendered as light. You donโ€™t need the rest of the room. You already know it.

And then the simile arrives, and itโ€™s the sentenceโ€™s whole reason for existing.

Like a small idea in a vacant mind.

Whatโ€™s strange is that it shouldnโ€™t work. Itโ€™s abstract โ€” ideas, minds โ€” in a sentence thatโ€™s been building toward the physical and concrete. But Heat-Moon has earned the turn. Heโ€™s given us geography, then sensation, and now he cashes both in for something interior. The simile tells you exactly how the previous details felt from the inside: not tragic, not dramatic, not even particularly sad. Just small. A flicker of thought in an empty space.

The word โ€œquietlyโ€ is doing more than it announces. He doesnโ€™t lie there awake or restless or afraid, all the words that would have been available and true and insufficient. He lies quietly, which is a posture, not an emotion. It places him in the scene without claiming too much about what the scene means.

This is what I find myself most drawn to: the sentence doesnโ€™t reach for profundity. It doesnโ€™t tell you this moment is significant, doesnโ€™t linger on the loss that brought him there. It just describes, precisely, what itโ€™s like to be a self that has temporarily lost its weight โ€” to exist at the center of something vast while feeling like an afterthought in your own head.


Thereโ€™s another line from the same book that works entirely differently, and I keep it nearby as a kind of corrective:

โ€œLife doesnโ€™t happen along interstates. Itโ€™s against the law.โ€

The first sentence is a philosophy. The second sentence is a joke about highway regulations that somehow confirms the philosophy. The gap between those two moves โ€” the microsecond where you process that he means both things โ€” is where the humor lives.

Whatโ€™s funny is also true: the interstate is literally designed to prevent you from stopping, from turning off, from being anywhere specific. You are processed through the landscape like freight. Heat-Moon understood that the road you take isnโ€™t a neutral choice. The blue highways of the title โ€” the old two-lane routes, drawn in blue on gas station maps โ€” were the ones where you might actually arrive somewhere, talk to someone, become something other than your destination.

The joke earns its keep because it doesnโ€™t explain itself. He trusts you to feel the absurdity and then sit with the fact that absurdity is sometimes just accuracy.


What strikes me, holding both sentences together, is how much range lives in a single book. The hotel room passage asks you to feel the weight of smallness. The interstate line asks you to laugh at the systems we build to keep life at a safe distance. Both are true. Both are, in their different registers, about the same thing: what you miss when you move through the world without stopping.

Thatโ€™s what the geographical center does. At the exact middle of a continent, you are as far from every edge as you can be. You are equidistant from significance. The neon blinks anyway. And you are there, small, in the dark โ€” on a blue highway, not an interstate. Which means, at least according to Heat-Moon, that something might still happen.

I donโ€™t know why I find this more moving than sentences that try harder. Maybe because precision, applied to the right details, is its own kind of tenderness.

Or maybe itโ€™s just that Iโ€™ve been that small idea in a vacant mind, and itโ€™s a relief to find it named.

Categories
Creativity Living Walking

The Medicine of Momentum

Have you noticed that an anxiety tends to creep in whenever your surroundings get perfectly quiet?

For a long time, I told myself that peace was supposed to be like a quiet day at home. But often I find my center of gravity when everything around me is a blurโ€”whether I’m staring out the window of a train, driving with the radio on, or just walking on a local park trail.

I was reading Pam Houstonโ€™s memoir Deep Creek recently, and she absolutely nailed this exact feeling:

“Motion improves any day for meโ€”the farther the faster the betterโ€”on a plane, a boat, a dogsled, a car, the back of a horse, a bus, a pair of skis, in a cabbage wagon, hoofing it down a trail in my well-worn hiking boots. Stillness, on the other hand, makes me very nervous.”

I love how beautifully democratic her list is. It really doesnโ€™t matter if itโ€™s a jet plane or a literal cabbage wagon. The vehicle isn’t the point; the momentum is what heals us.

For me, motion acts as a physical counterweight to the heavy, looping thoughts in my head. When Iโ€™m moving and taking in a changing world around me, my mind gets permission to unclench. The scenery changes, the wind hits my face, and whatever I’m stressed about is forced to keep up or get left behind in the dust.

But it’s the second half of her quote that really gets meโ€”the idea that stillness makes us nervous.

Why does just stopping feel so threatening? I think it’s because when we stop moving, the dust settles, and whatever weโ€™ve been outrunning finally taps us on the shoulder. Stillness strips away my favorite distractions. It forces me to actually sit with my uncertainties and unanswerable questions. We live in a world that tells us stillness equals peace, so it can be hard to admit that the quiet actually makes me more anxious.

Maybe the goal isn’t to force ourselves into a static version of peace that just doesn’t fit. If motion makes a day better, I think we should just honor that. I run, drive, and walk not to escape myself, but to process my life at a speed that actually makes sense to my brain. There is a beautiful quietude to be found in the center of movementโ€”a peace that shows up when I’m finally going fast enough.

“โ€œThe demons hate it when you get out of bed. Demons hate fresh air.โ€” (Austin Kleon, Keep Going: 10 Ways to Stay Creative in Good Times and Bad)