I keep coming back to the eight CEOs in William Thorndike’s The Outsiders.
On paper they were capital allocators of unusual discipline. Looked at another way, they were people who had figured out how to play a long game inside systems designed to reward short ones. They treated the company as something that should still be healthy decades later, not as a vehicle for the next announcement or the next victory lap. Per-share value compounded quietly over time mattered more than size, applause, or the quarterly scoreboard. They were willing to look wrong for years. And most of them had little interest in the theater of the charismatic chief executive. Their authority accumulated the slow way — through decisions that held up after the noise moved on.
It is the same stance James Carse described in an infinite game: a game whose purpose is not to win but to keep the play going. You are never finished, only ahead or behind, and the position worth wanting is often the one that feels slightly behind — the one that still demands invention.
Micky Malka, describing the founders he most wants to back, named a similar cluster of qualities: the energy of a scientist, the conviction of a missionary, the heart of a partner, the dreams of an athlete, the obsession of an owner. People built that way don’t need the room to agree they’re winning. The Outsiders ran on a quieter version of the same current — their edge was steadiness more than brilliance, the nerve to ignore the wrong scoreboard for as long as it took.
A good life asks for the same thing. Not trophies lined up on a shelf, but the willingness to keep playing with attention — to keep learning, to keep showing up without needing anyone in the room to say you’re ahead. That’s lifelong learning.
Henry Singleton ran Teledyne for almost three decades and rarely bothered to explain any decision to Wall Street. He wasn’t playing to be believed. He was playing to still be at the table thirty plus years on.
Kelly’s advice stands apart from the common wisdom that we should always strive to be the best by doing our utmost. In a world that constantly pushes us to compete and compare, there is something incredibly freeing about the notion of rejecting that rat race entirely.
“Don’t be the best, be the only” is a reminder that true success and fulfillment often come from carving your own unique path, rather than trying to climb to the top of someone else’s ladder.
It’s an idea that deeply resonates for any creative soul who has felt the sting of having their work measured and ranked against arbitrary standards and tastes. How can you be the “best” writer when writing is so subjective? The “best” artist when art is meant to provoke different responses in different viewers? We secretly know that concepts of better and best are flawed when it comes to creative expression.
And yet, we are conditioned nearly from birth to see life as a competition – to be smarter, prettier, more accomplished than our peers. We are repeatedly asked by teachers, parents, employers, “What makes you the best candidate?” As if we must relentlessly pursue that elusive #1 spot, which can only have one holder at a time until someone new swipes it away.
What a profoundly different and enlivening perspective to simply say, “I’m not chasing ‘best.’ My goal is to be the ‘only.'” Not better, but different. To create a novel blend of vision and craft that is utterly new and unlike any other offering in the world.
It means doubling down on what makes you unique rather than tempering those interesting edges to fit conventional molds. It means zigging when others zag, embracing your personal quirks and experiences as puzzle pieces that culminate in a new shape. One that perhaps only you could construct.
There is a deep self-knowledge required to get there, an ability to tune out the noise in our mind that is always eager to tell us where we fall short and what we must do to be validated. Instead, go further inward and listen to the quiet hum of your own creativity, allowing it to guide you towards a novel magic that only you can create.
It’s an incredibly brave and almost defiant stance. A willing abdication of the endless pecking order tournaments we are drafted into throughout life. A saying of, “I do not want to be ranked or graded. My work and expression will be something wholly original that becomes a new category unto itself.”
In Kelly’s case, being an “only” seems to have stemmed from zealously pursuing a wide range of kaleidoscopic interests, starting unique initiatives, peering over the horizon, and connecting disparate dots that others missed.
Perhaps the greatest challenge in striving to “be the only” is having the courage to stay true to your unique vision, even when it defies conventional wisdom or expectations. It requires an unwavering belief in your distinctive voice and the patience to carve out your own path, one peculiar step at a time. Those who achieve that rarefied space of being truly inimitable likely navigate long periods of being misunderstood or underestimated before their original perspectives start to resonate.
Ultimately, the pursuit of “only” is about more than just creative success – it’s about living and working with uncompromising authenticity. About being willing to be misunderstood by others, sometimes by harsh critics who’d rather see you struggle. When you stop measuring yourself against external yardsticks and wholeheartedly embrace what makes you your own idiosyncratic self, you open up vast frontiers of possibility. You give yourself permission to be precisely who you are, to contribute the unique only you can offer this world. And perhaps, in doing so, you’ll inspire others to boldly cherish and amplify their own distinctive brilliance as well.
