Tag: sensory memory

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Aging Illinois Memories Tracy Loftesness

Little Donuts

Midwestern State Fair Midway

Every August, when the Illinois State Fair came to Springfield, we took the kids.

We lived in Springfield in the late 1970s, and the fair belonged to summer the way certain things do — you didn’t plan for it, you just went.

The first thing I remember is the smell. Frying dough, grilled onions, hot dogs, popcorn, livestock, hay, dust, something sweet running underneath all of it. That combination doesn’t exist anywhere else. It’s the smell of summer vacation with a little livestock mixed in. The classic Midwestern state fair.

Then the sounds — the clatter of the rides, bells and whistles, barkers working the games, country music drifting in from somewhere, kids squealing, the low hum of a few thousand people wandering from one attraction to the next.

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Living Memories

The Depth of the Dimes

The lifeguard came out with a canvas bag, and that was the signal. Saturday morning, Kettering, Ohio, the municipal pool not yet warmed by the day, and forty kids arranging themselves along the edge like something had been rehearsed, though nobody had rehearsed it. We knew the shape of the thing without being told. He would walk to about the middle of the deck, and he would start throwing coins into the water.

Not pennies, mostly. I remember that distinctly, the way you remember the specifics of a thing you can’t explain the pull of. Nickels and dimes, a scattering of quarters, no half dollars that I ever saw hit the surface. Somebody in the recreation department had made a decision about denominations, a budget, maybe, or a sense of what a Saturday morning was worth to forty kids in Ohio in the summer, and none of us thought about that then. We watched the coins fall instead. That’s the part I keep returning to — not the diving, the falling. Coins don’t drop through water the way they drop through air. They wobble. They catch light and lose it. They take their time getting to the bottom, and you’d track one the way you’d track a hawk, losing it, finding it again against the pool floor, memorizing the spot before it disappeared into the general scatter of everything else he’d thrown.

We tried to angle ourselves near the shallow end, obviously. That was the whole strategy, such as it was — get positioned somewhere you could stand, somewhere your ears wouldn’t need to fight the pressure, somewhere the breath-holding would be a formality instead of a genuine risk. But the lifeguard wasn’t interested in making it easy. He’d throw a few coins shallow, just enough to keep the little kids occupied, and then he’d load up the deep end, and that’s where the real money went down. If you wanted more than a couple of nickels, you had to go where you couldn’t stand.

Then the countdown, and then all of us at once, forty kids hitting the water in the same three seconds, which meant the water itself turned against you before you’d even started looking — churned, clouded, chlorine stinging worse than usual because now there were elbows in it, knees, someone’s foot near your face. I wasn’t especially good at it. I want to say that plainly, because I don’t think I was; I’d come up with a handful, four or five coins, sometimes a quarter if I’d gotten lucky with the angle, and that felt like enough. Enough to matter. Enough to walk back to the locker room afterward with my trunks pocket sagging and clinking, enough to spend the rest of the morning transferring nickels and dimes into my actual pants pocket like a kid who’d earned something.

There was a boy down the street whose father worked at NCR, and some Saturdays he’d disappear to Old River instead — a real pool, he made sure we knew, an enormous one, with none of this scrounging-for-change business. I remember being aware of that difference without being able to name what it meant. He had the better pool. We had the lifeguard with the canvas bag.

I came across a piece online the other day, something about swimming and what it might mean, the kind of essay that circles a simple physical act until it turns into a meditation on something larger, and it knocked this memory loose after forty years of sitting untouched. I don’t know why that particular Saturday ritual is the one that stayed. Not the swimming lessons, not the diving board, not anything a person would call a memory on purpose. Just the coins going down, and all of us watching them go, already planning where we’d be standing when the countdown ended.

Categories
Dayton Ohio History Memories

The Weight of What Arrived

The first thing you noticed was the smell. Hot metal and oil and something older underneath — not unpleasant, exactly, more like the smell of a thing that knew what it was doing. Dayton Typographic Service on a Saturday morning. Dad already at his machine, pencil tucked over his ear, fingers moving. I was four or five. I had no idea what I was looking at. That was most of the point.

A Linotype machine is the size of a small car and louder than you expect. It sets type by casting individual lines in molten lead — hence the name, line o’ type — and the whole apparatus runs hot, always, a controlled furnace at the center of the work. The operators moved around it with the casual authority of men who understood something dangerous well enough not to fear it. Dad was one of those men. He knew what he was doing with his hands, and watching him work was the first time I understood that intelligence could live in the body, not just the mind. The pencil over the ear was the tell. He was always thinking ahead of his hands.

We lived on Burleigh Avenue in a two-bedroom ranch so small the rooms felt like suggestions. There was a garage out back on the alleyway. The basement held more than you’d expect. The furnace, coal-fed, which Dad stoked every morning before the rest of us were awake — that heat, the warmth that was simply there when I came downstairs, was something he had made. He tended it the same way he tended the Linotype: with patience, with knowledge, with hands that knew the work.

But there was also the kiln. My folks did ceramics, and in a corner of that basement sat the kiln they fired their pieces in. To check the temperature you pulled out a cone — a small pyramidal piece of clay engineered to droop at a specific heat — and peered in at it through the door. I remember doing this, leaning in toward that rectangle of orange light, the blast of heat against my face, checking whether the cone had begun to bend. It was one of my earliest understandings that transformation was not instantaneous. You watched for it. You waited for the material to tell you.

There are men like that in every generation and then one generation there aren’t. They knew how things worked because they had no choice but to know. The furnace would not stoke itself. The type would not set itself. The knowledge was not academic. It lived in the hands or it didn’t live at all.

Union Station was only a few miles from Burleigh Avenue but it existed at a different scale entirely. You went through the main doors and there was a model railroad in the lobby — an elaborate layout, HO scale or maybe O scale, I was too young to know the difference — and sometimes they had it running, the little locomotives making their rounds through their little landscape, and I would stand there watching it with the focused attention that children bring to things they love. I did not know then that I was watching a miniature version of what was waiting upstairs.

The aunts and uncles came from New Jersey on the Pennsylvania Railroad. The Spirit of St. Louis, which ran between New York and St. Louis and stopped at Dayton’s Union Station, was a name that meant something to me before I fully understood what a railroad was. What I understood was this: when they came, they brought TastyKakes.

If you didn’t grow up in the Mid-Atlantic corridor you may not know TastyKakes, which is a condition I regard with sympathy. They are small cakes, individually wrapped, and they came in a cardboard box, and my aunts and uncles carried them off the train the way travelers have always carried the irreplaceable things of home. The Pennsylvania Railroad as delivery mechanism for Butterscotch Krimpets. The whole industrial apparatus of American locomotion bent toward that purpose.

But first there was the platform, and the waiting, and then the thing you felt before you heard it and heard before you saw it. The locomotive did not arrive so much as it asserted itself. The platform shook. The air changed. There was a sound that was also a pressure, a physical fact you received in your chest and your feet simultaneously, and then the engine was there, enormous, indifferent to its own enormity, trailing steam. Nothing I have encountered since has prepared me for anything the way that prepared me for everything. The world, it turned out, contained forces at that scale. It was useful to know.

My aunts and uncles stepped down onto the platform and there were embraces and the good confusion of arrival, and eventually the box of TastyKakes changed hands, and we drove back to the small house on Burleigh Avenue where Dad had been up since before dawn making sure it was warm.

I think about scale a lot now. The furnace that heated two bedrooms. The kiln glowing orange in the basement corner. The Linotype casting its lines of lead. The locomotive making the platform tremble. They were all of a piece — a world in which the forces that ran your life were large and hot and loud and present, operated by people who understood them through their hands. You could go see them. You could stand close enough to feel the heat, smell it, watch it do its work on the material.

Dad is gone now. Union Station is gone — demolished in 1976, replaced by a parking structure. The Linotype machines are in museums, or they’re not anywhere. The coal furnace was replaced by something cleaner and quieter and invisible.

I don’t know what my children will remember. I hope it has weight.