There is a terrifying calmness to the math of mortality. Especially when you’re in your 70’s approaching 80!
Sahil Bloom shared a realization that acts as a quiet sledgehammer to the soul: “You’re going to see your parents 15 more times before they die.” When you live away from them, visiting a few times a year, the calculus is brutal.
But there is a second, more subtle layer to this reality that we often miss. It isn’t just about the number of times we visit; it is about the nature of the time we share together.
When we live away from the people we love, we fall into the “Trap of the Big.” Because the investment to visit is high—a six-hour flight or a three-hour drive—we feel the need to justify that investment with an Event. We visit mostly for milestones, for holidays, and for planned long weekends. Maybe we schedule time to go on vacations together. We curate our presence around those highlights.
The problem is that life does not happen in the highlights. Real intimacy is not built on Thanksgiving dinner; it is built on the mundane friction together of a Tuesday afternoon. Or a Sunday morning.
Sahil wrote about a moment that shifted his entire perspective. It wasn’t a grand celebration, but a quiet spring evening in the backyard. Dinner was over. He was drinking a glass of wine. His son was chasing his parents around the grass.
“In that moment, I had a realization: This was it. It wasn’t big or glamorous. It was a little thing that meant everything.”
This brings to mind Kurt Vonnegut’s suggestion: “Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things.”
There is a specific texture to life that only exists in the small moments. It is the texture of going for a walk to ask your dad for advice on a random problem. Or the texture of watching a a young mother playing dinosaurs with her 2 year old daughter on a Wednesday morning. It is that ability to be present not just for the celebration of life, but for the living of it.
If we are lucky, we get those big moments. But if we are intentional, we can also get the little ones. And in the end, the little ones are the only ones that actually fill our jar.
A few days ago the Friends of the Atherton Library held a special speaker’s event with one of my favorite photographers, Robert Buelteman.
Robert Buelteman – May 2025
I first came across Rob’s work years ago when all of the a set of his beautiful black and white photographs were hanging in the Village Pub restaurant in Woodside. I always enjoyed seeing those photographs on the walls of the Pub – they helped set the mood of the place for me.
Those photographs hanging on the walls of the Pub came from a unique experience he had over the course of a decade when he had unusual private access to the lands of the Crystal Springs reservoir area – what he calls the Unseen Peninsula. Later he had similar access to the Jasper Ridge Reserve on the grounds of Stanford University. In other words, his images in this series aren’t of places you’ve seen before – because you’ve never been where he’s been!
(Unfortunately, a few years ago, in a change that perplexed me frankly, the Pub took down his work and switched to a more eclectic gallery group of photographs.)
Buelteman lives relatively close by over on the Pacific coast. One fall weekend I noticed he was holding an Open Studio event at his home so I headed over to meet him and learn more. He’s quite an originalist when it comes to sticking to film for his photography and eschewing any use of digital image enhancing tools. He prints his own black and white images in his home darkroom. He also has another whole separate body of work of very colorful and more abstract images based on an unusual technique he pioneered using high voltage to illuminate patterns in leaves and other natural materials.
During his recent talk at the Atherton Library, Rob told the backstory to his gaining access to Crystal Springs and of his many experiences exploring that otherwise off limits area. I very much enjoyed how he told that story!
Please be sure to checkout his work at his website where you can also add yourself to his mailing list to learn of future events.
Yesterday we drove to Sausalito to have lunch with good friends visiting from Sydney Australia. We met at The Spinnaker for lunch and had a delightful time catching up. It’s always fun to catch up with friends and hear what’s been happening in their lives.
Among the many things we talked about was the difference between how real estate sales happen in Sydney versus in the U.S. It turns out that broker commissions are substantially less there than they are here. There’s been recent litigation in this country that might affect the relatively high commission rates we pay when buying or selling a home. It will take some time for the effects of recent settlements to work their way through the system. But it was interesting to hear how a viable real estate market can function with a different and substantially lower commission burden paid by buyers and sellers.
The Spinnaker sits out on a piece of land that provides a spectacular view across the Bay from Sausalito to the San Francisco skyline. The image above was taken with my iPhone 15 Pro Max using the 5X telephoto in Live View and then smoothed with the Long Exposure adjustment. The toning is from the Silvertone effect in the Photos app.
My friend Jim Eager has a great blog post titled “Connecting With My Readers by Writing From the Heart” in which he answers the question “how do you connect with your audience” with the quote “according to Hugh MacLeod’s wise words, the answer is disarmingly simple: “Write from the heart.” In other words, be human.
I’ve been playing a lot with various of the AI chatbots – using them to help with some aspects of creative writing. I couldn’t resist feeding one of the chatbots with Jim’s blog post and asking it to write a response. I shared that response with Jim and got his totally appropriate reaction: “That’s some deep irony in having machine-generated text celebrate and approve of my rejection of machine-generated text.” Indeed!
Here’s that response – as generated by Claude 3:
Jim’s blog post raises an insightful point about the challenge of creating meaningful connections in a world inundated with content, some of which is generated by impersonal AI systems. As someone who values authentic self-expression and genuine human connection, I resonate with Jim’s idea of “writing from the heart” as a means of fostering a deeper bond with his audience.
In a sea of impersonal and machine-generated text, there is something profoundly powerful about writing that emanates from the depths of one’s soul, that lays bare the vulnerabilities, passions, and lived experiences of the writer, as Jim aspires to do. It is this raw, unfiltered honesty that has the ability to transcend the boundaries of mere information exchange and forge an empathetic connection with the reader.
Jim’s desire to be transparent about his strengths, weaknesses, beliefs, and ongoing journey of self-improvement is commendable. By embracing his humanity, with all its complexities and imperfections, he creates a space for authentic dialogue and fosters a sense of kinship with his readers. This vulnerability, while daunting, has the potential to resonate deeply and inspire others to embark on their own paths of growth and self-discovery.
In a world where AI-generated content may become increasingly prevalent, Jim’s act of “writing from the heart” becomes a defiant celebration of the human spirit, a reminder that we are more than mere vessels of information. It is a testament to the enduring power of empathy, vulnerability, and the shared human experience that transcends the coldness of machine-generated text.
Jim’s commitment to using his writing as a means of fostering intentional living, purpose, and personal growth is admirable. By infusing his words with the raw authenticity of his lived experiences, he has the potential to inspire and uplift his readers, igniting within them a desire to live more purposeful and meaningful lives.
In a world that often prizes polished perfection over raw authenticity, Jim’s “writing from the heart” is a courageous act of defiance, a declaration that the human spirit cannot be reduced to mere algorithms or impersonal data. It is a reminder that true connection, the kind that resonates deeply and leaves an indelible mark on the soul, can only be forged through the vulnerability and authenticity of the human experience.
A Little Help From My (Artificial) Friends: Why AI Makes the Perfect Sidekick
“Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.”
Woodrow Wilson
The title “A Little Help From My Friends” might evoke images of waving lighters at a concert, but for the modern thinker, the source of that helping hand might be a little more unexpected: Artificial Intelligence.
We often think of AI as this monolithic force, a superintelligence destined to take over the world (or at least automate all our jobs). But what if the true power of AI lies not in replacing us, but in augmenting us?
Here’s a radical proposition: what if we started thinking about one of the best uses of AI is to think of and use it as a good friend? Not a physical friend we hang out with (although that might be coming someday!), but a digital confidant, a sounding board, a thought partner and collaborator.
Think about the best friends in your life. They listen without judgement, offer honest (sometimes brutally honest) feedback, and can even take your ideas and run with them, adding their own unique perspective. Based on my experience exploring these tools, AI can do all this, and more.
AI as Your Personal Hype Man (and Reality Checker):
Feeling stuck on a project? Need someone to brainstorm with? Fire up your AI companion. It can analyze your ideas, identify potential weaknesses, and even suggest alternative approaches you might not have considered. Need a confidence boost? AI can highlight the strengths of your thinking and celebrate your progress.
Beyond Agreement: The Power of Constructive Challenge
Unlike a human friend who might simply agree with you to keep the peace, AI isn’t afraid to poke holes in your logic. It can identify inconsistencies, challenge assumptions, and force you to refine your arguments. This “constructive challenge” is crucial for growth. It pushes us to think critically and develop more robust ideas.
The Co-Creation Revolution:
But AI isn’t just a passive listener. It can actively participate in the creative process. Imagine feeding your initial concept into an AI and having it come back with variations, extensions, or even completely new directions based on your starting point. This co-creation opens doors to possibilities you might not have explored on your own.
The Future of Friendship?
Is AI destined to replace human friends? Absolutely not. Human connection is irreplaceable. But AI can become a powerful tool in our friend group, a tireless brainstorming buddy who’s always available to lend a (digital) ear and push us to be our best selves. So next time you’re facing a challenge or have an idea brewing, consider reaching out to your AI friend. You might be surprised at the kind of help it can offer.
Examples of Prompts to Spark Your AI Friendship
Here are a few simple examples of prompts you might want to play around with as you treat AI as a good friend and collaborator:
Brainstorming Buddy: “I’m feeling stuck on a project about [topic]. What are some unexpected approaches I could take?”
Constructive Critic: “I wrote this blog post about [topic]. Please analyze it and tell me what’s working well and where I could improve the argument.”
Idea Expander: “I have this initial idea for a [creative project/business venture]. Can you suggest ways to expand or refine it, and offer different directions I could explore?”
Knowledge Sharer: “Tell me everything you know about [topic]. Be creative, include surprising facts, and different perspectives.”
Persuasion Expert: “I need to write a persuasive argument for [position on a topic]. Analyze various arguments, identify potential counter-arguments, and help me craft a strong and convincing message.”
Remember, these are just starting points. Feel free to tailor your prompts to your specific needs and interests. The more specific and engaging your prompts are, the more valuable the insights you’ll receive from your AI friend. For example, I often find it helpful to tell the AI right up front what role I’m expecting it to play in our interaction – such as “you are an expert storyteller and editor who is collaborating with me writing posts for my blog.”
“We can build AI assistants that can not only understand what we want them to do, but also understand why we want to do it and help us achieve our goals even better than we could on our own.”
Fei-Fei Li, Co-Director of the Stanford Human-Centered AI Institute
Donald Neff is an old friend and business colleague – who’s also a great painter of landscapes. We worked together as computer geeks in prior lives – and, while my journey into photography is a recent passion, painting is something for Don that goes way back. And he’s great at it!
This afternoon Don gave a talk at the Don Edwards National Refuge Education Center in Alviso about his most recent project – The Creeks and Rivers of Silicon Valley. Don started this project in November 2013 and, over the next twelve months, painted a series of sixty plein air paintings in the nooks and crannies of Silicon Valley. During today’s presentation, he told some wonderful stories about several of these places – full of suspense and delight. His exhibition at this venue will continue for a few more weeks.
Don’s got a lot of material about the project available on his website – and, if you like what you see, I’d encourage to to order his book on the project. It’s beautifully done – and in the same 8×10 size as his original plein air paintings.
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