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Etiquette Founders

How to Be in a Room

I happened to notice this in a post on X: Slow Ventures ran a 4-hour etiquette class for founders. This is actually a brilliant idea. A non-trivial amount of founders (and VCs) could use some help in this department.

So I asked AI: what would a course syllabus for something like this look like? Below is the response (which I quite like!):


This is a genuinely good idea โ€” etiquette as a business skill is perennially under-taught, especially for technical founders who may have gone deep on product/engineering but shallow on navigating rooms. Here’s how I’d structure a day-long or modular course built around the Slow Ventures premise.

Founder Etiquette โ€” A Field Guide

4-hour intensive ยท 5 modules ยท lecture + role-play format

Morning Block โ€” First Impressions

Module 1 ยท 45 min โ€” The room before the meeting

Arrivals, introductions, and presence under observation

  • Timing: the cost of early vs. late
  • Handshakes, eye contact, the graceful exit from a name you missed
  • Business card and phone etiquette
  • How to work a room without appearing to work a room
Module 2 ยท 45 min โ€” Table stakes: dining fluency

The business meal as performance and ritual

  • Place settings, utensils, and the BMW rule
  • Who orders first, who orders what
  • Wine: fluency without performance
  • Dietary restrictions โ€” yours and theirs
  • The check: the ritual, the timing, the dodge
  • When and how to talk business at the table

Mid-Morning Block โ€” Communication

Module 3 ยท 45 min โ€” Communication that doesn’t leak desperation

Written and verbal signals investors actually read

  • Email: subject lines, length, tone, and the follow-up cadence
  • Reading the room on Slack/text vs. formal channels
  • The thank-you note โ€” when, how, why it still matters
  • Saying no, disagreeing, and delivering bad news
  • How to receive feedback without deflecting or over-agreeing
  • The exit from a conversation: graceful, not abrupt

Afternoon Block โ€” High-Stakes Scenarios

Module 4 ยท 45 min โ€” Investor relations: the long game

Board rooms, pitch meetings, and the unwritten VC code

  • Board meeting protocols โ€” who speaks, in what order
  • Managing up to your board without managing them
  • The warm intro โ€” how to ask, how to use, how to close the loop
  • Confidence vs. bravado: what the room hears
  • What to do when the meeting is going badly
  • Conference behavior: panels, hallways, and the after-party
Module 5 ยท 60 min โ€” The edges: cultural fluency and hard situations

Where etiquette meets judgment

  • Cross-cultural norms: Japan, Middle East, Europe, India โ€” the high-risk differentials
  • Power dynamics: how to behave when you have more (or less)
  • Navigating someone else’s social gaffe gracefully
  • Gift-giving: what to give, what never to give
  • The fine line between casual and sloppy in casual settings
  • Live role-play: difficult scenarios, coached debrief

A few things I’d stress if actually running this:

Module 3 is where the real behavioral work happens for founders specifically. The desperation signal leaks through email more than anywhere else โ€” the too-fast reply, the over-explanation, the follow-up that arrives four hours after the first message. That’s the stuff that’s hard to see in yourself.

One thing Slow Ventures probably got right: four hours is about the right ceiling. Any longer and you start to feel like you’re at finishing school, which kills the energy.


After reviewing this, I thought it might be useful to add two role playing scenarios to the course. Here’s what the AI recommended:

First, add this role play in after Module 2:

Role-play 1 ยท 20 min โ€” The wrong bread plate

Recovering from a gaffe without losing the room

A founder is taken to lunch by a partner at a firm they’ve been trying to get in front of for six months. It’s going well โ€” good rapport, the partner seems genuinely interested. Then the founder accidentally takes the partner’s bread roll, realizes it mid-bite, and has to navigate the next ten minutes without letting the gaffe collapse the energy in the room. Secondary layer: the check arrives and it’s ambiguous who’s hosting.

This tests everything from Modules 1 and 2 simultaneously โ€” table fluency, recovery under embarrassment, reading whether to acknowledge the mistake or absorb it silently, and the check ritual. Low-stakes enough to be funny, high-stakes enough to feel real.


Next, add this role play after Modules 3, 4, and 5:

Role-play 2 ยท 30 min โ€” The meeting that’s going sideways

Holding the room when the numbers missed

A founder is in a board meeting presenting quarterly numbers that missed. Midway through, one board member interrupts with a pointed question the founder doesn’t have a clean answer to. A second board member piles on. The founder has to hold the room โ€” not deflect, not over-apologize, not go defensive โ€” while also reading which of the two is genuinely concerned versus performing concern for the room. Cultural wrinkle: the more aggressive questioner comes from a context where directness reads as respect, not attack.

This pulls from Modules 3, 4, and 5 simultaneously. It’s the hardest scenario in the course and should feel that way. The coached debrief afterward is where most of the learning actually happens โ€” ending here means it lands with weight, which is the right note to close on.


More commentary from the AI:

The dining module is the most load-bearing. A remarkable amount of professional signaling happens at the table and most people don’t realize they’re broadcasting anything. The BMW rule alone (bread-meal-water, left to right, so you don’t eat someone else’s roll) is the kind of thing nobody tells you until you’ve already grabbed the wrong bread plate in front of a Series B lead. The live role-play after Module 2 brings this to life.

The live role-play in Module 5 is what separates a good version of this class from a mediocre one. You can lecture about graceful exits from bad meetings all day. Watching someone flail through one in real time, then getting coached on the spot, is what actually moves the needle.

Categories
Creativity Curiosity Living Work

The Human Router

There is a distinct difference between information and wisdom, and often, that difference is measured in velocity. We are accustomed to thinking that faster is betterโ€”fiber optic cables, 5G, real-time Slack notifications. We want knowledge to travel at the speed of light.

But Dan Wang, in his book Breakneck, captures a sociological truth about Silicon Valley that defies this obsession with speed:

“When I worked in Silicon Valley, people liked to say that knowledge travels at the speed of beer. Engineers like to talk to each other to solve technical problems, which is how knowledge diffuses.”

It is a charming, slightly irreverent metric, but it points to something profound about how humans solve difficult problems. There is “codified knowledge”โ€”the explicit instructions found in textbooks, API documentation, and internal wikis. This travels instantly. It is frictionless. It is also, usually, insufficient for true innovation.

Then there is “tacit knowledge.” This is the intuition, the heuristic, the war story about why a specific architecture failed three years ago. This knowledge is heavy. It doesn’t travel through fiber optics; it travels through proximity. It requires the social friction of a shared table and the serendipitous collision of two engineers venting about a seemingly unrelated problem.

Crucially, this mechanism requires a specific type of operator: the Connector. These are the unsung heroes of the “speed of beer” economy. They aren’t always the 10x engineers on the leaderboard. They are the “human routers”โ€”the people who instinctively know that the problem you are facing today is the same one Sarah from the Platform team solved last year. They are the ones who drag the introverted genius out to the pub, not to distract them, but to plug them into the grid. They curate the environment where the spark can jump the gap.

In our modern drive for remote efficiency, we are optimizing for the transfer of data. But we must be careful not to optimize away the people who pour the drinks, literal or metaphorical. That slow, liquid diffusion of ideas is often where the real breakthrough hidesโ€”steered by those special few who know exactly who needs to talk to whom.